Without Her
by KissMeI'mIrish07
Summary: Takes place after S4 finale. Cutting out ending scene in Santa Barbara. They took a risk and gave Nadia some medication they hoped would save her life. But it ended it. Now those who loved her have to deal with their loss.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Without Her

**Summary: **Takes place after S4 finale. Cutting out ending scene in Santa Barbara. They took a risk and gave Nadia some medication they hoped would save her life. But it ended it. Now those who loved her have to deal with their loss.

**Disclaimer:** Checks Nope, it's still not mine… Oh well. At least I can still write fan fiction.

**A/N-** I wrote this FOREVER ago. I believe shortly after the season 4 finale. Now I'm finally getting around to posting. I hope you enjoy, please take time to review.

* * *

"Ms. Bristow… I'm very sorry to say she didn't make it." 

"What… but you said… you said…"

"We warned you there were possibilities she would not recover, we just thought we had more time to find an antidote."

"YOU TOLD ME TO GO HOME AND REST! YOU SAID NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN IF I LEFT!" Sydney yelled and after a moment of silence on the doctor's part she slammed the phone down into the cradle. Sydney took deep breaths her hands starting to shake.

She had to do things… but she couldn't remember what… Well set up the funeral arrangements of course… but something else…

Weiss. That was it. She had to tell Weiss. He was probably just coming into work now so Sydney dialed his cell phone number.

"Hello?" Weiss answered.

Sydney couldn't respond. She hadn't thought this though. What would she say? How would she tell him the woman he had grown to love didn't make it?

"Sydney? You there?"

"She's…" Sydney chocked out.

"Who's she Syd? Is it Nadia? Is this about Nadia?" He asked obviously worried.

"She's dead." Sydney forced out.

Weiss didn't respond and for a moment thought Weiss didn't understand what she had said.

"When…" He finally asked.

"They just called me…" Sydney said quietly.

Again it took Weiss a while to respond. "Thanks for calling me Syd." He said softly before hanging up.

Feeling lightheaded Sydney slowly lowered herself down onto the couch. Vaughn was on a mission and wouldn't be back until later that night. Nadia was gone, Sydney only had know Nadia for around 18 months before she lost her and Sydney couldn't help but regret all that time she had missed. All those years they could have had together.

* * *

Sydney scrubbed at the sink for what felt like hours. Practically creating a hole in the metal. She couldn't think about it, if she did she would go insane. She couldn't think that name or anything to do with her. Anything she saw reminded Sydney of Na- her. Sydney concentrated on the stainless steel sink, scrubbing at marks that had long disappeared. 

"Syd…" Vaughn said tentatively. Sydney hadn't even heard him come inside.

"Sydney." He repeated when she didn't answer.

"Are you okay?" He asked approaching her slowly and putting a hand on her back.

Yet again she didn't respond.

"Syd… Are you okay?"

Sydney turned quickly throwing the wet sponge into the excessively clean sink.

"Do I LOOK okay!" She snapped.

"I'm sorry… I-"

"What are you sorry about! I'm the one who left her when she needed me! I'M the one who decided sleeping was more important than staying with my little sister!"

"Syd, there was nothing you could have done." He said softly as her angry stone face quickly softened.

"I could have! I could have done something. I should have done something!" She screamed as tears started to steam down her cheeks and Vaughn took her into his arms.

"Shhhhhh, It'll be okay Syd, It'll be okay." Vaughn cooed stroking her back.

"It won't be Vaughn, it won't be."

"Let's get you into bed Syd, it's late."

"No…" Sydney protested weakly but Vaughn wrapped his arm around her waist and led her to the bedroom.

"Have you eaten?" He asked sitting on the bed beside where she lay.

Sydney looked away.

"I'm going to go make some food for you." He said kissing her temple and standing up.

"I'm not hungry."

"It doesn't matter."

Vaughn touched her hair once more before walking out to the kitchen and trying to find what to make.

Once he was gone and Sydney could hear him working in the kitchen she stood up and looked though her open door to see the closed door of what had been Nadia's room. A room Sydney hadn't been in since she left to find her mother.

_"Oh shit" Nadia muttered as the drawer fell out of her dresser and the make-up that was its contents spilled all over her floor._

_"Nads, you okay?" Sydney asked opening Nadia's door to see Nadia trying to pick everything up._

_"You ready to go?" Sydney asked as Nadia continued throwing things into the drawer._

_"Yeah, my bags on the bed."_

_"What's the black backpack for?" Sydney asked approaching it. "I can throw it into my bag if you'd like."_

_"No, I got it." Nadia said abandoning the make-up and shoving the black backpack in her duffle bag._

_"Just leave it. I'll help you clean everything up when we get back." Sydney said looking down at some blush and eye shadow that had spilled onto the cream colored carpet._

_"Okay." Nadia said with a sigh and standing up switched off the lights of her room as she followed Sydney out to the car. _

Sydney slowly headed for Nadia's room and pushed the door open with the tips of her fingers. Then very slowly flipped on the light. The room was exactly the same as when she and Nadia had left. Not that it had any reason not to be, no one had been in it.

Sydney looked at the makeup all over the floor and picked up a lip-gloss staring at it momentarily before placing it on top of the dresser. Nadia would never put this lip gloss on again. Never come running into Sydney's room begging to borrow a dress for a date with Weiss. Sydney would never again help Nadia to put together an alias for a mission. Nothing would ever be the same. Nadia had changed Sydney's life for the better and now it had turned for the worse. Sydney let herself collapse into the mess on the floor and just started crying with everything she had left in her.

Vaughn could hear Sydney sobbing in Nadia's room, but as much as he wanted to run to her she needed this, she needed to be alone and get it all out before he could do anything to help her.

Vaughn picked up the phone dialing Weiss's number. Weiss did not pick up the first 4 calls but Vaughn continued calling knowing he was there.

Finally the phone was answered. "Hello." Weiss said his voice weak.

"Are you doing okay?" Vaughn asked knowing the answer.


	2. A lost future

"No… No I'm not. I'm not okay." Weiss said after a long pause knowing there was no sense in lying to his best friend. "How's Syd?" He asked quickly changing subject.

"She's…" Vaughn paused listening to Sydney's gentle sobs coming from Nadia's former room. "She's trying to deal."

"I have to go…" Weiss said quickly.

"Can I-"

"No, just stay with Syd." He said quickly hanging up and turning off his cell phone before unplugging his home phone.

A picture on the desk immediately caught his attention. It showed him and Nadia at the beach, right at sunset. That night he had been able to picture their future together so perfectly. He could not imagine his life with out her. It had been that way almost immediately after they met.

He picked up the picture. That had been the night he put his heart on the line and told her he loved her. It was the night she forever captured his heart by returning the three words without hesitation.

But now… after a simple phone call from Sydney, his life was changed forever. He still pictured his happy life with her. Yet he knew he couldn't have that.

He had spent the hours since her call in his room, simply in shock. Sitting on the bed they had shared for so many nights.

He was unable to comprehend that he would never have the chance to see Nadia's face when he gave her the diamond ring that was once his mothers. He would never see her walking down the isle to pledge their eternal love. They would never have children together. They wouldn't die together… He had been left behind.

He hadn't only lost the woman he loved, but he lost the life he strived for. He lost his dream. Now he had nothing to live for. His shock continued though the night. He wasn't sure if he slept or not. The hours just seemed to blend together since he got home and sat on his bed.

_"Do you think it's really her?" Weiss asked as Nadia packed her bags._

"I don't know, maybe..."

"Do you want it to be her?"

Nadia paused holding the folded clothing in her hands. "I don't know…"

Weiss sighed walking over and kissing Nadia softly on the lips, "Everything will turn out okay Nads."

"You sure about that?" She asked wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Yes, because when you get back we're going away."

Nadia smiled, "Are we? Where to?"

"I'm not sure yet, but it'll have a nice hotel room, and that's all that counts."

Nadia laughed, "Yes it is."

Weiss kissed Nadia once more, "Be safe okay?"

"I always am." She said kissing him back.

"I know I just… I don't have a good feeling about this."

"About my mother? I know she shot you but… I'm not exactly planning to have her over for dinner every week."

"No, it's something else."

"What?"

"I don't know… I wish I could go with you."

"Don't worry, I have Syd, we'll be fine."

"Okay…"

"I promise, I'll be back and right into bed." She said with a wink. 

Truth was she came back only briefly before heading off with her mother to Russia. Weiss had barley had a chance to see her. Then she did return home and right into bed, but not her bed. Not with Weiss. She was in the hospital for about two weeks before she died.

All Weiss could do since hearing about what happened in Russia was regret he hadn't been there. If he was there may have been that chance things would have happened differently, she wouldn't have been left behind, he wouldn't have let her be.

Weiss stood up knowing he should call Vaughn back to make sure he didn't come to check in.

He sighed plugging back in his home phone and almost immediately it began to ring.

"Dude, I told you I'm fine." He said picking it up.

"I appreciate not being called dude." A woman with a thick Russian accent answered.

"Ir…I-"

"Yes, it's me. I was trying to contact Sydney or Vaughn but couldn't get a hold of either."

Weiss remained silent.

"Are you there? Trying to trace this call or something? It won't work." 

It's obvious she doesn't know about Nadia. Should I tell her? "I… I'm here." He said softly.

"Good, I wanted to called to check in about how Nadia's recovery is coming. For once the CIA has been able to keep something classified instead of practically public information."

Weiss again went silent; he had to tell her but how?

"Agent Weiss don't take a joke so personally. No one these days can keep a secret. Even your precious CIA."

"Ms. Derevko…" Weiss said slowly.

"Hurry up agent Weiss, I don't have time for your stammering."

"Nadia's… dead."

Now Irina was the one silent. "When? How?" She asked after a minute.

God has it actually been a day? No, it couldn't have been… God I can't even grasp how long it's been. "Less than a day… She had a bad reaction to the medication we gave her."

Something subtle changed in Irina's voice, something Weiss couldn't put his finger on. "Thank you agent Weiss." There was a long pause. "Don't tell anyone about this call."

"Yes Ms. Derevko… I'm sorry." 'Yes I just said I'm sorry to Irina Derevko, but she did lose a daughter, maybe this is affecting her?'

With out another word Irina hung up the phone and Weiss was left alone with the dial tone.


End file.
